我人心當狗肺！！！我沒有感激朋友對自己的關心，還發了臭脾氣！我正衰人！Ｏｈ Ｍａｎ！還一發不可收拾！鬧了幾天！
Ｉ felt sorry that I don't feel too sorry. I know I am wrong. How come I felt ok when I am wrong? God help me. Am I forgiven if I am not sorry for my sins even I confess? But I confess that I don't feel sorry. Only God could help me now. Oh God please help me to feel sorry and be a better person next time. Help me appreciate more... Help me see other's point of view. I know I am selfrightous this time and many times. Help me see my failures. Help me to be humble. No one can help me but you Lord.
The story begins in Alaska. Denali Park. We took a shuttle bus tour and we saw animals along the way. When we were leaving the park, I told everyone that I saw a lottery in the website for a yearly lottery. The lottery is for driving in the park during September instead of having to take shuttle bus. I like to enter the lottery next year. Driving in each park is my most prefer method of travel. Taking shuttle bus is never my preference. So much for this dream. My friend quickly said that it is very dangerous. Road is difficult to drive. Animal is very dangerous.... Yadi Yadi Ya.... I got furious and slam her back. I think I know why I can not control my temper. This is because a 20 year friend does not believe in my ability to access risk. She does not trust my ability to drive windy road. She does not trust my ability to stay alive. She does not know living outdoors and record nature's wonder is my dream job. Anyhow.... I forgot she is just worry about my wellbeing. She is worry that I will go back to my Fathers house without saying good bye. She is worry about not seeing me again. But I also believe, if God is willing, nothing would happened. I would enjoy my stay there. Taking good pictures. Or maybe a story or two about how to escape a bear or something. Life is full of adventures. Being outdoors might very well be one.
This is also the reason that I am not very sorry about my outburst. I felt that I have the right to get angry. But I also felt like I am ripping apart someone's good heart, someone's concern. God has a plan for everything. God is faithful and trustworthy. God also use circumstances to teach us lessons. God will not allow things to happen when He thinks you are not ready for it. So with this promise, I am so sure that I am well taken care of. Whether I get to go to Denali or not is God's will. Whether I see tomorrow or not is also God's will.
May be I should quit my job and start the adventure now. But then, I might not know what I am getting into. God did not put the courage in my heart to do that yet. Some day.... May be some day soon.
God Bless, JC
